So I talked with my mom again about the home birth. That was a mistake :(
My midwife is having a series of 2 classes that are coming up for home birth education. Since I am a doula, I am optional to attend, where most of her patients have mandatory attendance. But I am going to go ahead and go because Ray will end up with a lot more responsibility on him being at home, and I figured it would be good for everyone to have clearer roles of what they were supposed to do, and also how any emergencies would be handled just in case. I am really wanting my mom to be here during the birth, but she is freaking out at the idea. So I offered to have her come to the classes too. Thinking it would ease her mind if she knew a little more about the plan in case of an emergency, and could see how well I am gong to be taken care of.
Yeah, I was way wrong on that one. She in no way wants to be part of it at all. Went as far as to tell me how high her blood pressure was getting just thinking of it, she is afraid me and the baby are going to die, and was afraid if she was here she would ruin it for me, wanting to call an ambulance the whole time. Says she loves me and trusts my decision, but admits she is not as knowledgeable about it and doesn't want to be aware of me being in labor, would I please just call her when it's done and let her know it is all okay.
I tried to explain to her the possible scenarios that were most likely to go wrong in a home birth, and how easily and qualified my midwife is to handle them, how most of the time there really isn't an emergency, just something that can be treated still at home. Well, then she yelled at me telling me I was giving her more ideas of what could go wrong. Ooops. That back fired, big time.
I love my mom, but honestly it really isn't a huge deal if she is present to see the new baby or not. The reason I am so adamant about wanting her here is because Kassidy wants her to be here, and my mom is the only person in the world right now that she likes more than Ray or me. If I am in the middle of transition, and Kassi gets worried, or needs something, she will want Ray to leave me, to take care of her. Not cool. But, if Nana (my mom) is here, she won't give a care, and will want her to do it. She is also the only person she will leave with if it gets to overwhelming for her. My mom knows where all her stuff is, and can pack her a bag and leave without disrupting my flow of things in the least.
I really am also having a lot of issues with how different she and I are. The more she realizes how serious I am about not going to the hospital, the more worried she gets. I cringe at the thought of my daughters going to the hospital when they have their babies. I think that is one of the reasons I really want Kassi to be here if she wants to be. Birth is Normal, I want her to see that fist hand. Not have her fear her labors as she grows into a mother, but look forward to them, the way I have never been able to before, but am this time.
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