My midwife is wanting me to draft a letter to family and friends laying out the ground rules for my upcoming birth. This is relation to the conversation we had about my fears of not having control of my enviroment in my own house, and the fear of hurting other peoples feelings, not focusing on myself.
So, what do you think? I will proabbly edit it many times befor I officially send it out, but i have my appointment with Faith on Monday and might as well go ahead and get started on it.
Due to the Impending arrival of our newest addition, my midwife has asked me to lay out some of the following rules for visitors, and asking for the following help as well. I don’t want to give anyone the impression that we do not appreciate your thoughts and well wishes, but the days following the birth are going to be very important to our family.
During labor, we will not be answering the phone or door, except for our midwife and birthing team. We will probably only call and inform the people who are going to be watching the older kids. Please don’t let this hurt your feelings if you are not invited to the birth, but I will not have the options of pain relief, so it is important that I stay as undisturbed as possible, and am able to focus on nothing but being in labor and having a healthy baby. Ray or I will text updates to certain people, but the phones will be on silent and if you do not get a response in a reasonable amount of time, please don’t panic and come by or start calling. It is just that things may be getting a bit more intense and we are focusing on the here and now. When the baby is born, and we have had a chance to count fingers and toes, we will call/message everyone and let you know. The same as if an emergency happens, we will let you all know as soon as possible.
I have no idea how I will be feeling immediately after birth. The only immediate visitors I can make promises to is the ones who will be dropping off older siblings to meet their little brother. And there will be absolutely no visitors until they have been here and seen him. After that, I am not sure if I will want visitors in the next few hours afterwards, or if it might be the next day, or several days. Grandparents of course will be the exception, and will probably be invited the next day at the very latest for at least a quick peek and snuggle.
During a homebirth it is easy for people to come under the impression that since there is no hospital involvement, mom does not need as extensive recovery, or baby can come into contact immediately with visitors. I encourage all of you to Google “babymoon”. It is going to be very important that we have the time to adjust as a new family, and that Derek, Ray, Kassi, and Kayla have a chance to adjust to the new family dynamics that having a new baby in the house brings. I will be needing time to get into a nursing routine as well, and be needing to catch up on sleep after who knows how long of a labor and birth.
I also do not know how I will feel as far as depression with my sudden drop in hormones, I may not want to be around anyone at all, or I might feel better with tons of company. If you are invited over or stop by to help out, please offer to leave if you notice I need a break. If I still have the energy to stay up and talk, I will invite you to stay longer. I hate to appear overly rude in asking anyone to leave earlier than they are ready, but like I said, this is an important time for recovery and learning the new family dynamics, so please give me the easy out and make the offer if you notice me dragging, or stressing out. Alternately, offer to watch the older kids and let me nap.
It will likely be a few weeks before we are ready to have other children at the house. We have a full house as it is, and it is already very small. I understand you may still want to see the baby, but please try and schedule visits when someone else can stay with the little ones. And call before coming. The exception to this is if you are stopping by to help with my older kids and want to take them for the afternoon to give me a break. No one expects you to leave them in the car while I visit with you for a brief few minutes.
Wash your hands please, as soon as you come into the house.
If you are sick, or someone in your house has been, please wait to come over.
I would love you all to come and meet the baby and see everyone and to spend time, but I will not be in any position to entertain, so please excuse my inevitably messy house. I value each and every one of you, but in the early days I need support and help, and to be able to bond with my baby and adjust to being a mom of 5 (!!!)
These are some of the things we will need the most, and most will take very little of your time, and of course, all will be infinitely appreciated.
• Someone to take the kids out occasionally to go play, go to the park, swimming, zoo, etc
• Bring over dinner. Hold the baby for us so we can eat at the same time, while the food is still hot.
• Grab a few needed items from the grocery store on your way over to visit (we will always need more milk, banannas, bread, and snacks for the kids!)
• Come over and play with the older kids and let me take a nap with the baby.
• Come over and hold the baby so I can get dressed and showered before 5 in the evening
• If you see laundry piled up, help me fold it and put it away
• If the trash is overflowing, empty it.
Most of all what I will need help with is people helping so I can focus on the kids and new little one. Not company who will want to hold the baby while I entertain them.
Thanks for all your love and support,
Andrea, Ray and kids
No comments:
Post a Comment